I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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