Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
