ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
