I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
