we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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