he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
