Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Randomize
