I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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