Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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