Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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