I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
