I cockslap morals
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Sorry about my life...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
