every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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