at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
