I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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