you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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