I have demons in me.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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