We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
