I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
