There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
