Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize