Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
