Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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