Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
