So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
