I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize