Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
