oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
