During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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