I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
