I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
