I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
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