You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
