My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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