The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
