He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
