I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
