she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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