We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
