I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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