you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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