If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
