he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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