If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
