We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
