you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
