So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
there was a trapeze. enough said
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The adults are the big ones right?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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