Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
