she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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