In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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