Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
