I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
