I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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