I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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