happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
