he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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