Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize