He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
