We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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