just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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