i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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