I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
