you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
