My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
