Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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