u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
