Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
