The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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