if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
